When people are hurt or hurting, I want to do something for them. Take them a meal, babysit, clean their house, make them something. I just want to do something. So when I was hurting and grieving after losing Lucas, I was filled with the desire to do something, but couldn't think of what. One day when we were at Target, I saw the line of crib bedding I had picked out for Lucas. I stood there staring at it for a few minutes, and then in a burst of determination, I snatched up all the different sheets and blankets (it helped that they were on clearance). I love making blankets for people when they have a baby, and I made one for each of my girls, so it was only fitting to make one for Lucas. But then for some insane reason I decided to use 5" hexagons on both sides. Oh - it gets better. I started off making a baby sized blanket, but then after pondering it, I realized that no baby was ever going to use this blanket. So I decided to go for a lap size that I could use. I got working on that, but then as I was going along, I had some extra pieces and decided to extend it. Yup. My baby blanket ended up as a 6 foot by 4 foot blanket. Covered in 5" hexagons on both sides. Here it is:
I know it may be hard to see, but in this last picture, on the 4th row from the bottom, the middle green hexagon has "Lucas" embroidered on it. I wanted his name to be on there somewhere. And although it felt like it took all summer to finish, I'm glad that I did it.
In my world of pink and frills and bows, I now have something distinctively boyish. Something that shows that my little Lucas was here. And that's really all I wanted.